Or, Poly Poly Poly Poly Polymenorrhea! (to the tune of Karma Chameleon)

 Well, I missed the Trout Lake poetry picnic at which I was supposed to read. And I feel like a giant asshole. Or, to be more precise, a giant uterus. A giant uterus that makes promises and then doesn't fulfill them. An unreliable uterus. 

--Hey, anybody seen that giant uterus?

Nah, it never shows up when it says it's going to. 

--What a jerk uterus!

I know, right?

I'm going to see what I can work into Urban Dictionary. Also, I hope this is the start of early menopause.

 From Urban Dictionary:

2.Uterus

 3. Something men don't but should have because they deserve to feel like someone has ripped out their uteri, thrown them on the floor, and stomped on them just to watch the blood ooze and gurgle onto the shiny new tile. 
4. Not the part into which the penis and/or balls are inserted. That's anatomically impossible, morons.                             

"Oh, are you a man? Oh, you don't have a uterus? Well, here, watch as I rip off your balls and throw them down before a herd of stampeding cattle. Get it yet?"


Alright, forget UD. It was full of more misogyny than I can handle at the moment.

There is, however, this:
 
1.Menstruous




Awesome; very good; immense. Follows similar route of "sick" and "shit" of opposite meaning, combining with "immense".
Ah, that cookie was menstruous!
 
I am still waiting for someone to bring me a chocolate croissant.